


It's A Beautiful Day To Save Lightsabers

by ladyrenx



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Humor, POV First Person, appropriate removal of a lightsaber, force choke me i dare you, i do however have access to webmd so i know a thing or two, i'm not a real doctor i'm making all this up, i've seen every episode of greys anatomy too, innapropriate use of a lightsaber, kylo ren needs a sex ed class, no beta we die like men, no smut just plot, self insert so i can bully kylo ren, sorry to all the y/n's who have been personally victimized by kylo's lightsaber
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:08:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26709523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyrenx/pseuds/ladyrenx
Summary: You've read all the KyloxY/N stories you could get a hold of. You've also read too many fics tagged "inappropriate use of a lightsaber". Did you ever wonder if someone was around to help out if that saber ever got stuck? Look no further.or , I get bored and try to make my friends laugh with this disaster fic.
Relationships: Kylo Ren|Other
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	It's A Beautiful Day To Save Lightsabers

At first, I really thought it was a joke. The First Order could have sent me anywhere in the galaxy. There were so many planets I had not been to yet. Gilded cities under their control with well-staffed hospitals and mentors around every corner. Outposts where hostile pushback could have given me the baptism under fire that all young doctors need. I had been tossed from ship to ship with the occasional mid-level base in the mix to recover.

Now here I was. Stuck on the same godsforsaken ship as the Supreme Leader and his entourage. Not that I lacked respect for the inner circle that resided here, I had just heard one too many horror stories from my coworkers who had rotations aboard the Finalizer. From what they had told me, the bacta tanks would be my best friend. 

It took several months into my newest assignment to settle into the shenanigans that came with the post. Troopers with missing limbs, or limbs that dangled a little too much. The Knights with their training wounds that they were too proud to explain. The occasional hissy fit from a recently force-choked board member. You know, the usual.

No two days were ever the same when I was on deck. That was apparent enough. On the backend of my shift, the consults were starting to blur together. All I wanted to do was get out of uniform and into a hot shower. Maybe see if Millicent was available to be stolen for the night. 

“Doc!” The alarmed shout from across the med bay caught my attention at once, as my newest student came rushing over to me. I looked quickly at a clock, knowing if this had waited five more minutes I would have been off shift. 

I set down the paperwork I was working on and gave him my attention, “What is it?”

“T-the uh,” the student cleared his throat and lowered his tone. “The Supreme Leader requested you see a patient in his quarters. Immediately. At once.”

“He has a patient in his quarters and they can’t come here?” The obvious look of fear on the student’s face was enough to set off some warning bells in my mind. “Alright, tell him I’m on my way.”

Before I left, I grabbed my trauma bag. My usual supplies probably weren’t going to cut it this time, given the Supreme Leader’s temperament and a spike in tantrums lately. If I had learned anything in my time on board, it was to steer clear of tall, dark, and broody when he was having a bad day. Honestly, it would not surprise me to find my patient beyond repair in several pieces on the floor. 

The hallways were starting to empty out while I made my way through the ship. Engineers were off duty, overnight ops had already made their way to their stations for the night, and training had wrapped up much earlier in the day. It was my favorite time to be walking around on the ship. Less likely to be threatened by some cocky special forces trooper with a complex.

As I rounded the corner of the hallway that would lead me to my destination, a sense of dread came over me. Taking two (or seventeen) deep breaths, I knocked on the heavy doors to his quarters and thought about all my life decisions up until that point. The doors slid open moments later to reveal Kylo Ren, looking mad and threatening as ever, despite being out of his uniform. 

“Well?” He asked, “Are you just going to stand there, or are you here to do your job?”

My inability to tolerate other people’s attitudes at the moment had to be checked as I considered kicking him in the shin. Instead, I just nodded and stepped through the doorway, “Of course, sir. What seems to be the problem today?”

He didn’t answer, only led me through his quarters back to his bedroom. Tucked under a loose sheet was a woman, one of the engineers if my memory served, slightly shaking and holding back tears. “I need something removed,” he looked visibly uncomfortable for a moment before turning to leave the room. “She can tell you more.”

“Okay then,” I tried to look non-threatening as I set my bag on the floor next to the bed. “Are you hurt?”

“No. Yes? Maybe. Just, it does hurt yes,” the woman said as she drew the sheet up a little higher on herself. 

My next question was a loaded one, given who was in the other room, but it had to be asked. “Are you in danger right now?” I asked softly as I moved closer to her. 

Her head shook immediately, looking from the doorway back to me. “Not in the way you think. I wanted this, it just. Well, it got stuck.” She must have seen the confusion cross over my face and her cheeks flushed a deep red. “His, you know. Can you just take a look?”

She looked nervous but laid back as I was digging into my bag. I almost forgot what I was looking for as she pulled the sheet to the side, exposing her lower half. 

“Is that…” My eyes widened as the gears clicked into place. That was a lightsaber stuck inside her. “Is that his lightsaber?”

I hadn’t realized that was something that would make her immediately burst into tears. Her eyes glossed over, trying to explain what they were doing and scarring me in the process. I didn’t need to know about Kylo’s, nope, nothing. I didn’t need to hear any of this today, or ever. 

“It’s okay, just, take a few deep breaths for me while I examine this,” I told her gently as I pulled some gloves on. “I’m going to examine this and I need you to tell me if it hurts. Okay? One, two…” When I hit three, I gave a slight tug on the hilt and she screamed out suddenly. I let go of the saber and took a step back, partially expecting her to be cut in half. The weapon didn’t give, even a little bit. It was well and truly lodge in her. As she continued to cry, I covered her back up with the sheet. It was the least I could do to preserve some of her dignity. 

“Alright, we need to get you into surgery, unfortunately. This isn’t going to come out easily. But with a quick procedure, we should be able to get it taken care of.” As I explained this to her, I pulled my datapad out and arranged for two transport droids to bring a stretcher to our location. “Hang tight for a moment, I’ll update him.” 

My anger for the position he’d put my patient in quickly covered up any self-doubt and insecurity I felt being in the Supreme Leader’s presence. Yanking my gloves off and shoving them in my coat pocket, I returned to the adjacent room. Kylo was leaning against the wall near the entryway, clearly waiting for word of my success. This wouldn’t please him, but I found I could care less about what pleased him at the moment. He had shoved half a hilt worth of lightsaber inside someone and had the audacity to call for help. 

“All done?” He asked, looking mildly bored with how long my assessment had taken. 

_Don’t roll your eyes, don’t roll your eyes_ , I had to remind myself. “Done? You do realize the female vagina is a muscle and when you insert a rigid metal object, it doesn’t come out without some help, right?” 

He didn’t seem to appreciate my tone, standing up straighter as I stood my ground. Knowing what got Kylo Ren off made him somewhat less threatening, no matter how tall he tried to make his boxy self. “What did you say to me?”

“I asked you if you know how a vagina works, Ren. I have two medical transport droids on the way and I’ll be taking that woman in for surgery. I’ll send a message when your weapon has been retrieved and you can have it back.” I did my best to not let him have an edge in to interrupt me, and surprisingly, he didn’t force choke me and slam me into a wall. His angry glare made me think he was considering it though.

“Speak to me that way again and I’ll,” he started.

“You’ll what? Explain to someone else that you shoved a weapon inside another human being and ask them to do emergency surgery to get it out for you? Good luck with that.” My entire body felt like it was on fire as he stared me down, and the only reason I broke eye contact was to check the alert from my datapad that the droids were dispatched. “I’m sure this is a matter you would like to keep private, as would your girlfriend.”

He nearly growled at me as he said “She’s not my girlfriend. And yes, if word of this gets out I’ll deal with you myself, medic.”

I looked back up at him, not sure if my irritation at his attitude or my intolerance for being mistitled was giving me courage. “Whoever she is, I’ll take care of her. And it’s Doctor.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me where I'm going with this because I have no idea. Well, I have lots of ideas and none of them make sense but there WILL be more of this character and story. Hope you enjoyed, thank you so much for reading!


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